Ah, my last workout with Carlos tonight. His boss tried to get me to sign up for another contract, but we really can't afford it for a while. He didn't push too hard though. Saying goodbye sucked -- he was trying not to cry, so was I. It's not like I won't be at the gym, but it will be different not working together anymore. (It sucked saying goodbye to my former trainer, Annie, too, but I didn't know that was goodbye goodbye when she had her baby, lol.)
Carlos took me through another circuit training workout tonight. I did the first circuit and he told me about a little experience he had after our last workout. He did an orientation workout with a mom and her two daughters, and did the same circuit training we did last week. One of the daughters? Passed out, literally in his arms. After the first circuit. The other one almost did. He said they are in shape, too. They hadn't eaten before and just couldn't handle it. And yet I did! I did the whole thing!
That literally made my month. hahaha
As I was finishing the last workout on the last circuit tonight, he asked a guy if he wanted to come do kettle bells with me. "Uh, no, I'm so over those. They are brutal." And someone asked him what that was, he said, "Those kettle bells," and she made a face too. They were both in shape as well.
So, after that, I got to thinking. People still stare at me at the gym. I am still big. I know it. They know it. It's not like I can hide it. But maybe, just maybe, some of them aren't looking at me like I shouldn't be there ... maybe some of them are respecting the work I'm doing to change things up for myself.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
On Weirdness and other oddities
I took Kiddo to her surgical followup appointment. Dr. Mark said she's doing very well and is cleared to start light running in 2 weeks. She's super excited.
On our way back to the school, she started talking about how everyone is weird. I said, "I don't know what you are talking about. I'm not weird." She stared at me. "You ARE weird Mom. You just gave me a noogie!" Yes, it's true. I had just done that. We both laughed and laughed.
Then I called my mom but dad answered and we chatted for a few minutes. He said something similar about how everyone was weird. I laughed and said, "I just had this same conversation with Kiddo!" I explained that I'd told her I wasn't weird and he said, "Oh you are too," or something along those lines. Yes, I know Dad. I was teasing Kiddo. I then said, "I guess I should embrace my weirdness."
This morning before I dropped her off, I told Kiddo I was embracing my weirdness. And gave her a hug.
On our way back to the school, she started talking about how everyone is weird. I said, "I don't know what you are talking about. I'm not weird." She stared at me. "You ARE weird Mom. You just gave me a noogie!" Yes, it's true. I had just done that. We both laughed and laughed.
Then I called my mom but dad answered and we chatted for a few minutes. He said something similar about how everyone was weird. I laughed and said, "I just had this same conversation with Kiddo!" I explained that I'd told her I wasn't weird and he said, "Oh you are too," or something along those lines. Yes, I know Dad. I was teasing Kiddo. I then said, "I guess I should embrace my weirdness."
This morning before I dropped her off, I told Kiddo I was embracing my weirdness. And gave her a hug.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Circuit Training (plus a couple of unrelated things)
I was a tad late to our appointment tonight (baby got sick all over me right before I needed to leave, ugh).
Carlos decided to make me pay by doing circuit training. He said it would be fun. He lied. (Man, I make him sound so mean. He's not. Really.)
I haven't ever done circuits before, and it sucked. Kettle bells, steps on a bench, pushups, and more kettle bells (two different kettle bell exercises). One minute each, 15 seconds rest between, and I did 3 sets. I did break a little more because I am feeling a bit fragile today, and I did cry a bit.
Watching myself do those exercises in a floor length mirror that covers an entire wall? Not the smartest thing I've ever done. The mirrors are not forgiving of my rolls and bulges and I am just so critical of myself anyway. I got really mad at myself again and burst into tears.
Seventeen years ago, I was getting ready to graduate from high school. I was pretty active in marching band and could sprint 50 yards holding a french horn and playing it! I wasn't in ideal shape, but I was pretty healthy. That was half my lifetime ago. I'm disgusted with where my body is now, nearly double my weight then.
Carlos told me to get mad at the weights instead and take it out on them so I'm not damaging myself or bringing myself down further. I think that's a grand idea. He said something about me wanting to slap him after the second circuit, and I said if I wanted to slap him I would have done so.
Poor Carlos. I don't think he knows what to make of me. (For the record, I was joking. I don't go around slapping people.)
After I finished the circuits, we went to abs and I did a whole slew of crunches and sit-ups, though I lost count after 90 or so. 15, break, 15, break, 15, break, ad nauseam. Literally. I almost hurked after.
Then it was time to go ... I think Carlos got a little verklempt. I may or may not have cried a bit in the car. We still have one more appointment for Pete's sake. Told ya I was feeling fragile.
One thing I didn't mention yesterday was how strong and powerful lifting makes me feel. Upper body workouts especially make me feel strong. I've missed it the last several years actually, and am glad I've had the chance to work with 3 different trainers to get pointers and correct form positioning, different workouts and exercises (remember, I was pregnant while working with the first two), and lots of great encouragement and help. I'm not having the same numbness I had when I lifted on my own, and that's a good thing.
The circuit training didn't make me feel powerful. But it's 3-1/2 hours since I left the gym and I am feeling fantastic. I got the babies back to bed and spent some time with the husband and am about to cut out some fabric (yay, projects!!), but I am feeling really good. Pumped. I will probably incorporate it into my workouts as I continue on my own. Even though I hated it.
Completely off topic: I have two great friends who each have little boys with autism. They are very different from each other and each family has their own challenges with this, and each family is in great need right now.
Deeds is adorable (I've met him in person!). He is a wanderer and needs a service dog to keep him where he should be; they've raised nearly all they need for that. However, Deeds pulled a pot of boiling water on himself almost 2 weeks ago. He is doing great but has some major medical bills from the burn units. His folks really could use some help. For details, click here. If you like Krispy Kreme, you can also email Deeds' mom through the blog and help by buying donuts!!!
G-bear is just so cute. He completely melts my heart every time I look at his pictures. He is nonverbal and needs to be able to communicate. His family has a chance to win an iPad and can use your help as well. For details, go here.
Carlos decided to make me pay by doing circuit training. He said it would be fun. He lied. (Man, I make him sound so mean. He's not. Really.)
I haven't ever done circuits before, and it sucked. Kettle bells, steps on a bench, pushups, and more kettle bells (two different kettle bell exercises). One minute each, 15 seconds rest between, and I did 3 sets. I did break a little more because I am feeling a bit fragile today, and I did cry a bit.
Watching myself do those exercises in a floor length mirror that covers an entire wall? Not the smartest thing I've ever done. The mirrors are not forgiving of my rolls and bulges and I am just so critical of myself anyway. I got really mad at myself again and burst into tears.
Seventeen years ago, I was getting ready to graduate from high school. I was pretty active in marching band and could sprint 50 yards holding a french horn and playing it! I wasn't in ideal shape, but I was pretty healthy. That was half my lifetime ago. I'm disgusted with where my body is now, nearly double my weight then.
Carlos told me to get mad at the weights instead and take it out on them so I'm not damaging myself or bringing myself down further. I think that's a grand idea. He said something about me wanting to slap him after the second circuit, and I said if I wanted to slap him I would have done so.
Poor Carlos. I don't think he knows what to make of me. (For the record, I was joking. I don't go around slapping people.)
After I finished the circuits, we went to abs and I did a whole slew of crunches and sit-ups, though I lost count after 90 or so. 15, break, 15, break, 15, break, ad nauseam. Literally. I almost hurked after.
Then it was time to go ... I think Carlos got a little verklempt. I may or may not have cried a bit in the car. We still have one more appointment for Pete's sake. Told ya I was feeling fragile.
One thing I didn't mention yesterday was how strong and powerful lifting makes me feel. Upper body workouts especially make me feel strong. I've missed it the last several years actually, and am glad I've had the chance to work with 3 different trainers to get pointers and correct form positioning, different workouts and exercises (remember, I was pregnant while working with the first two), and lots of great encouragement and help. I'm not having the same numbness I had when I lifted on my own, and that's a good thing.
The circuit training didn't make me feel powerful. But it's 3-1/2 hours since I left the gym and I am feeling fantastic. I got the babies back to bed and spent some time with the husband and am about to cut out some fabric (yay, projects!!), but I am feeling really good. Pumped. I will probably incorporate it into my workouts as I continue on my own. Even though I hated it.
Completely off topic: I have two great friends who each have little boys with autism. They are very different from each other and each family has their own challenges with this, and each family is in great need right now.
Deeds is adorable (I've met him in person!). He is a wanderer and needs a service dog to keep him where he should be; they've raised nearly all they need for that. However, Deeds pulled a pot of boiling water on himself almost 2 weeks ago. He is doing great but has some major medical bills from the burn units. His folks really could use some help. For details, click here. If you like Krispy Kreme, you can also email Deeds' mom through the blog and help by buying donuts!!!
G-bear is just so cute. He completely melts my heart every time I look at his pictures. He is nonverbal and needs to be able to communicate. His family has a chance to win an iPad and can use your help as well. For details, go here.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Two to go!
Down to two sessions left with Carlos. I managed to embarrass him tonight (awesome) and he punished me for it with a grueling upper body workout (that'll teach me).
As our sessions come to a close, he is blasting me with information about why certain things work and what I need to do after we are done. He also reiterated that my form is much improved and he's proud of me. He was so excited with how great I was doing, he was just laughing and laughing. Good times.
I feel pretty good and wish the scale and mirror reflected how much progress I feel I'm making, but alas, they don't. I'm trying to be patient but that is hard.
Building good habits of working out and eating better is also hard, but the family is used to me going now, every day at the same time. Even though the baby is sick and was awake when I left tonight, I still went and got through the workout before I came home to put her back to bed. Having Kiddo and The Rock here taking care of her and Little Mister makes it so I feel comfortable doing so. And I'm enjoying the lifting again, and even the cardio for the most part.
The eating is harder and has always been my biggest area of struggle. Right now, it's all baby steps and small victories. It's all progress, though, and that is what I'm focusing on. No matter how minute they may seem, those small steps will eventually get me to my goals.
As our sessions come to a close, he is blasting me with information about why certain things work and what I need to do after we are done. He also reiterated that my form is much improved and he's proud of me. He was so excited with how great I was doing, he was just laughing and laughing. Good times.
I feel pretty good and wish the scale and mirror reflected how much progress I feel I'm making, but alas, they don't. I'm trying to be patient but that is hard.
Building good habits of working out and eating better is also hard, but the family is used to me going now, every day at the same time. Even though the baby is sick and was awake when I left tonight, I still went and got through the workout before I came home to put her back to bed. Having Kiddo and The Rock here taking care of her and Little Mister makes it so I feel comfortable doing so. And I'm enjoying the lifting again, and even the cardio for the most part.
The eating is harder and has always been my biggest area of struggle. Right now, it's all baby steps and small victories. It's all progress, though, and that is what I'm focusing on. No matter how minute they may seem, those small steps will eventually get me to my goals.
Say What?
Last night, we (I mean *I*) did legs. Lots of leg workouts. Then I did 15 minutes cardio. Carlos suggested that I push for 30 on the elliptical, but hello? He KILLED my legs last night.
Carlos was really funny about it. He would tell me what he wanted me to do with a big grin on his face, and I'd stare at him and say, "What??" He was always serious. Like stepping up on a bench and back down rapidly -- lunges. And then added weights to it. Or, he'd ask me if I wanted to do it, and I would say, "NO." And do it anyway. Oh, or the time he handed me a weight and told me it was 20 pounds but after I'd done 4 sets of 15 reps, he admitted it was really 30 because he couldn't find the 20 pounder.
I was going to post last night but I came home, got cleaned up, and fell asleep. And that was that. I'm stiff this morning. But it is a good stiff. I can even still walk. We'll see how things are in another 8 hours or so (when the stiffness and soreness usually hit me full on), but for now ... I feel good.
We only have 3 more appointments and then it's all me -- me pushing myself. I haven't done so well at that lately, but by golly, I'm going to try!
Carlos was really funny about it. He would tell me what he wanted me to do with a big grin on his face, and I'd stare at him and say, "What??" He was always serious. Like stepping up on a bench and back down rapidly -- lunges. And then added weights to it. Or, he'd ask me if I wanted to do it, and I would say, "NO." And do it anyway. Oh, or the time he handed me a weight and told me it was 20 pounds but after I'd done 4 sets of 15 reps, he admitted it was really 30 because he couldn't find the 20 pounder.
I was going to post last night but I came home, got cleaned up, and fell asleep. And that was that. I'm stiff this morning. But it is a good stiff. I can even still walk. We'll see how things are in another 8 hours or so (when the stiffness and soreness usually hit me full on), but for now ... I feel good.
We only have 3 more appointments and then it's all me -- me pushing myself. I haven't done so well at that lately, but by golly, I'm going to try!
Monday, January 24, 2011
I Heard the Best Thing
We had a Monday. Woke up with a migraine and had a flat tire, needed to replace it, had to replace two!, change the oil, align all 4 tires only one was damaged and needs repair, fights with and amongst the children, etc. etc. etc.
I had a Coke. I ordered it at McD's because their 32 ounce is always $1 (sad that I know this). The good news, though, is that I didn't drink the whole thing. Yay me! I did drink more than half though.
So, I went to the gym tonight and worked out with Carlos. We saw the older lady who knows my in-laws, and she said, "You can really see a difference!" I wasn't sure she was sincere, but Carlos mentioned a couple of times that my form and posture have improved and he rarely had to correct or fix me. Though he did have to increase my weights a few times ...
YAY!!!
I know we've been working out on and off since November, but really, the last couple weeks of consistency have helped a lot.
Consistency ... such an obnoxious word.
We don't do the same thing every night I go, or even every two or three times I'm at the gym. Shaking it up is a key, as long as you are consistently doing something.
Carlos also said he's going to miss me once my sessions are done and that I'm his favorite client. Awww. He's the new assistant manager at the gym here, so he won't be there most of the time when I'm there working out unless he's off the clock and doing his own workout, but I'm sure he'll get over missing me.
Kiddo asked me today if I was done going to the gym after my training was over, and I said no. I decided I would need the weight equipment if nothing else, so I will be hitting the gym still even after Monday. I haven't noticed a huge difference in my weight or size, but some women don't and can't lose weight while breast feeding. I may be one of them. BUT, the things I have noticed? I have more energy. I can keep up with the littles better. The house is cleaner because I have the energy to clean stuff more often. I also hadn't realized how bad off I was -- I was having to use my arms to push up to get out of bed or off the couch. I don't need to anymore. I can just stand up. I can just get out of bed. And (bag over head) I'm actually getting to shower or bathe every night instead of every other, because I am too gross to sleep after I work out.
So, I won't be winning any weight loss or body building competitions, but I am making a difference for myself. And if other people are noticing? All the better.
I had a Coke. I ordered it at McD's because their 32 ounce is always $1 (sad that I know this). The good news, though, is that I didn't drink the whole thing. Yay me! I did drink more than half though.
So, I went to the gym tonight and worked out with Carlos. We saw the older lady who knows my in-laws, and she said, "You can really see a difference!" I wasn't sure she was sincere, but Carlos mentioned a couple of times that my form and posture have improved and he rarely had to correct or fix me. Though he did have to increase my weights a few times ...
YAY!!!
I know we've been working out on and off since November, but really, the last couple weeks of consistency have helped a lot.
Consistency ... such an obnoxious word.
We don't do the same thing every night I go, or even every two or three times I'm at the gym. Shaking it up is a key, as long as you are consistently doing something.
Carlos also said he's going to miss me once my sessions are done and that I'm his favorite client. Awww. He's the new assistant manager at the gym here, so he won't be there most of the time when I'm there working out unless he's off the clock and doing his own workout, but I'm sure he'll get over missing me.
Kiddo asked me today if I was done going to the gym after my training was over, and I said no. I decided I would need the weight equipment if nothing else, so I will be hitting the gym still even after Monday. I haven't noticed a huge difference in my weight or size, but some women don't and can't lose weight while breast feeding. I may be one of them. BUT, the things I have noticed? I have more energy. I can keep up with the littles better. The house is cleaner because I have the energy to clean stuff more often. I also hadn't realized how bad off I was -- I was having to use my arms to push up to get out of bed or off the couch. I don't need to anymore. I can just stand up. I can just get out of bed. And (bag over head) I'm actually getting to shower or bathe every night instead of every other, because I am too gross to sleep after I work out.
So, I won't be winning any weight loss or body building competitions, but I am making a difference for myself. And if other people are noticing? All the better.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
We Slept In. Oops.
So, last fall we started buying produce through a co-op called Bountiful Baskets. They are not country wide, but are in several western states. You pay $15 plus a $1.50 co-op fee and get a basket of veggies and another of fruit. Orders are place Monday/Tuesday and you pick it up on Saturday morning. The husband LOVES this because they often have fruit we either can't buy locally (persimmons come to mind), OR things I don't ever buy, and there is usually a big variety every week.
Today is Saturday. Our pickup time is 7:30 and it's 15 minutes away. The littles were up late but slept well ... and even though they usually get me up by 6:30, we slept until 7:45. I nearly cried and the husband was bummed I'd missed it. I needed the sleep though.
I didn't even bother getting ready because 20 minutes after the pickup time, they have every right to donate your basket elsewhere (it's in the stuff you have to read and check on the website when you place the order). I forgot that they have a second pickup at 7:45, so they would still be there at least 20 minutes after that. but they called me at 8:15 saying they had held my basket and asked if I could be there within 15 minutes. We dashed over there and they gave me the box. Our site coordinator is such a sweetie.
Today, we got asparagus, purple lettuce, green leaf lettuce, tomatoes, red and white potatoes, bananas, apples, pears, grapefruit, lemons, a pineapple, and some other things ... and last week we got a lot of the same, plus a bunch of poblenos peppers, butternut squash, and oranges.
I thawed a turkey this week and put it in the roaster for dinner tonight. I sliced the squash in half and scooped out the seeds, then put them in there too, and the potatoes, a few of the peppers (whole -- we want flavor but not heat), 2 lemons and 2 oranges (cut in half and juice squeezed all over the turkey), some onion, salt, pepper ... it's going to be for dinner, an about an hour before serving time, I'll add in some asparagus on top.
Our house smells SO good right now. Kiddo will be at school until 6 every night the next couple of weeks while they get ready for the play, so we need to have some cooked meat in the freezer where I can just throw stuff together and make something fast. Between the turkey, a ham (diced in the freezer), and crockpot meals, I should be able to make something healthy every night and avoid eating out at all. YAY!
Today is Saturday. Our pickup time is 7:30 and it's 15 minutes away. The littles were up late but slept well ... and even though they usually get me up by 6:30, we slept until 7:45. I nearly cried and the husband was bummed I'd missed it. I needed the sleep though.
I didn't even bother getting ready because 20 minutes after the pickup time, they have every right to donate your basket elsewhere (it's in the stuff you have to read and check on the website when you place the order). I forgot that they have a second pickup at 7:45, so they would still be there at least 20 minutes after that. but they called me at 8:15 saying they had held my basket and asked if I could be there within 15 minutes. We dashed over there and they gave me the box. Our site coordinator is such a sweetie.
Today, we got asparagus, purple lettuce, green leaf lettuce, tomatoes, red and white potatoes, bananas, apples, pears, grapefruit, lemons, a pineapple, and some other things ... and last week we got a lot of the same, plus a bunch of poblenos peppers, butternut squash, and oranges.
I thawed a turkey this week and put it in the roaster for dinner tonight. I sliced the squash in half and scooped out the seeds, then put them in there too, and the potatoes, a few of the peppers (whole -- we want flavor but not heat), 2 lemons and 2 oranges (cut in half and juice squeezed all over the turkey), some onion, salt, pepper ... it's going to be for dinner, an about an hour before serving time, I'll add in some asparagus on top.
Our house smells SO good right now. Kiddo will be at school until 6 every night the next couple of weeks while they get ready for the play, so we need to have some cooked meat in the freezer where I can just throw stuff together and make something fast. Between the turkey, a ham (diced in the freezer), and crockpot meals, I should be able to make something healthy every night and avoid eating out at all. YAY!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Workout Video Reviews
I have a lot of videos. And I have a LOT that I've actually never done. *blush* I bought some right before getting pregnant both times and never got them opened or done. I am starting to go through them, figure out what I actually *can* do now and what I need to be smaller/more energetic to do, or what is going to take more practice, and which ones I hate and will never do. I will post reviews as I actually get through them -- not just attempt them.
Many are older. I don't have anything very new. If you have something you'd like to suggest, I will be getting a new video next month, so shout it out. I'm definitely not intermediate or advanced, so maybe something more beginner-ish would be good, or something I can easily modify.
I did attempt a video tonight but it is a more advanced level than I am. I watched the rest of it from the comfort of my couch and realize I need to work up to it, but the dance stuff looks fun. It's The Fix from Suzanne Cox, and I probably got it at Walmart for $1, because that's the only place I could find it online to link you all!
I realized after about 6 or 7 minutes that I need to be wearing shoes every time I work out, even at home, and every time I step in the kitchen -- our floors are really hard and my feet and ankles hurt after a little while. I hate wearing shoes at home so that's going to be a challenge but I'll do it. I started wearing my crocs while cooking, but my son likes to steal them so I couldn't find them tonight. Stinker.
The Rock has been using our Kinect (a Christmas gift) to do Your Shape. It's pretty cool, except seeing myself in very round 3D was NOT cool. Ugh. But the camera watches you and shows you on screen and tells you what you need to improve as far as actions go, and has a choice of different ways to workout. Runner Girl is thrilled there are things she can start doing on it again.
Speaking of Runner Girl, she told me today she misses running. She's cleared to start running in a month, so we are going to work back into it together, though I'm sure she'll still kick my butt. Everything I'm doing now is gearing me up to be able to keep up with her better next season. We'll be starting our mileage count over when we can start training together.
Many are older. I don't have anything very new. If you have something you'd like to suggest, I will be getting a new video next month, so shout it out. I'm definitely not intermediate or advanced, so maybe something more beginner-ish would be good, or something I can easily modify.
I did attempt a video tonight but it is a more advanced level than I am. I watched the rest of it from the comfort of my couch and realize I need to work up to it, but the dance stuff looks fun. It's The Fix from Suzanne Cox, and I probably got it at Walmart for $1, because that's the only place I could find it online to link you all!
I realized after about 6 or 7 minutes that I need to be wearing shoes every time I work out, even at home, and every time I step in the kitchen -- our floors are really hard and my feet and ankles hurt after a little while. I hate wearing shoes at home so that's going to be a challenge but I'll do it. I started wearing my crocs while cooking, but my son likes to steal them so I couldn't find them tonight. Stinker.
The Rock has been using our Kinect (a Christmas gift) to do Your Shape. It's pretty cool, except seeing myself in very round 3D was NOT cool. Ugh. But the camera watches you and shows you on screen and tells you what you need to improve as far as actions go, and has a choice of different ways to workout. Runner Girl is thrilled there are things she can start doing on it again.
Speaking of Runner Girl, she told me today she misses running. She's cleared to start running in a month, so we are going to work back into it together, though I'm sure she'll still kick my butt. Everything I'm doing now is gearing me up to be able to keep up with her better next season. We'll be starting our mileage count over when we can start training together.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Promises Kept
So I got to the gym tonight and Carlos was wearing long pants and a jacket. I thought something was wrong.
Remember? Carlos doesn't wear pants.
I was oh so horribly right.
He took me outside.
In the cold.
And the wind.
And made me run around the building!!!!!!!!!!
Three times.
Evil man.
Did I mention it was cold? And windy? My bad ear is still feeling it. (Cold wind makes the deaf/sensitive one hurt.) My chest is still tight. I'm a huge whiner baby, but I jogged with him and ran with him and walked with him around the building. I did it.
We went inside where I felt like hurling but didn't, and he let me have a few minutes to rest. Then we started kettle bells. It's a 10-pound weight you hold in one hand and swing up and down while you stand and squat. He had me facing the wall of mirrors, and I thought to myself, "It would be bad if I let go of this." I managed to hang onto it. We did that and used a medicine ball and did a few other things, and then he had me do some cardio. On top of what we already did, because the "cold run" was really the warm up.
We know our time together is ending rapidly, so he's giving me advice on what to do after it's over. He is encouraging me to keep coming in after and not let myself go again. He just kept reminding me that I AM making changes and I AM making a difference. And you know what? He's right.
I AM worth it.
I have kept my promises to my kids, including one I made Little Mister tonight. He wanted to go with me for a ride, and I said, "Mommy's going to go-go now, but when I get back I will take you for a ride, OK?" He said OK and settled in with Runner Girl. I wasn't sure he would remember and when I got home, trying to come down those 5 stairs to get in the house was agony. My legs are jello. I walked in and he had on his jacket (upside down) and shoes (Runner Girl's) and said, "Go-go??" So I changed his diaper and waddled back out to the car with him and took him for a quick ride.
I made a promise to Runner Girl months ago that I would get in better shape. I'm re-committing myself to that, for ME. And for her. And for my other two kids. And my husband. I will keep this promise.
Remember? Carlos doesn't wear pants.
I was oh so horribly right.
He took me outside.
In the cold.
And the wind.
And made me run around the building!!!!!!!!!!
Three times.
Evil man.
Did I mention it was cold? And windy? My bad ear is still feeling it. (Cold wind makes the deaf/sensitive one hurt.) My chest is still tight. I'm a huge whiner baby, but I jogged with him and ran with him and walked with him around the building. I did it.
We went inside where I felt like hurling but didn't, and he let me have a few minutes to rest. Then we started kettle bells. It's a 10-pound weight you hold in one hand and swing up and down while you stand and squat. He had me facing the wall of mirrors, and I thought to myself, "It would be bad if I let go of this." I managed to hang onto it. We did that and used a medicine ball and did a few other things, and then he had me do some cardio. On top of what we already did, because the "cold run" was really the warm up.
We know our time together is ending rapidly, so he's giving me advice on what to do after it's over. He is encouraging me to keep coming in after and not let myself go again. He just kept reminding me that I AM making changes and I AM making a difference. And you know what? He's right.
I AM worth it.
I have kept my promises to my kids, including one I made Little Mister tonight. He wanted to go with me for a ride, and I said, "Mommy's going to go-go now, but when I get back I will take you for a ride, OK?" He said OK and settled in with Runner Girl. I wasn't sure he would remember and when I got home, trying to come down those 5 stairs to get in the house was agony. My legs are jello. I walked in and he had on his jacket (upside down) and shoes (Runner Girl's) and said, "Go-go??" So I changed his diaper and waddled back out to the car with him and took him for a quick ride.
I made a promise to Runner Girl months ago that I would get in better shape. I'm re-committing myself to that, for ME. And for her. And for my other two kids. And my husband. I will keep this promise.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
A Little Food for Thought
I belong to a private group on Facebook for people trying to lose weight. These folks are super encouraging and supportive to each other, regardless of what is going on. If someone has a bad day or gains back any weight or eats a bowl of junk cereal, they encourage the other person to keep going and tell that person how great they are. But that same person will get down on themselves for the same thing. (This is not ONE person; it is most of them.)
Here's the thing: I really DID quit yesterday. I was really going to just give up and eat myself into an early grave. I posted my post here last night after my workout, and linked it on my wall like always, and guess what? People have been VERY encouraging to me, saying kind things to me, and being very supportive in this journey. But some of those same people messaging me or whatever are being hard on themselves for a bad day, or have been seriously down on themselves in the past for the same.
What is the difference? I QUIT. I really did. I GAVE UP. I had no intention of ever setting foot in a gym ever again. Never working out again. Eating whatever I want whenever I want, all the better if it's fat and sugar laden. Why encourage me after that?
I think we can be much too hard on ourselves. The saying that we are our own worst critic is sadly all too true. I can sit here and catalog every single thing I did wrong yesterday, from the ice cream I had at lunch to the text I sent to Carlos, and I did just that in my head. But what on earth is the point of tearing myself down? I am choosing instead to focus on the positive -- not to be Pollyanna or unrealistic or lie to myself about my weaknesses, but even though I quit and didn't want to go to the gym, I did it anyway, with some encouragement. I was hungry when I got home and had a protein shake and a small bowl of healthy cereal, and at that point my brain said, "Go eat some more ice cream! You earned it!" But my stomach was satisfied and so I talked with the husband a bit, then cleaned up (I was gross after my workout, ugh) and went to bed instead. That is a success! That is a GOOD thing! Was yesterday perfect? Not by half. But it was a good day anyway. For me, telling my brain and emotions NO! about the ice cream last night? That was almost as amazing as working out for 90 minutes. 90 minutes! Lifting weights, doing squats and lunges, running up and down a hall, using the rowing machine, doing wall squats in the dry sauna!
Here is my challenge to you: If you are having an off day, take a moment and be kind to yourself. Think of the things you did right, not wrong. Think of how great it feels to overcome one little thing or make a better choice than gorging on ice cream. And if you aren't having an off day, be kind to yourself anyway and think about the good things you are doing for yourself. You are worth giving yourself the same kindness you show to others.
Here's the thing: I really DID quit yesterday. I was really going to just give up and eat myself into an early grave. I posted my post here last night after my workout, and linked it on my wall like always, and guess what? People have been VERY encouraging to me, saying kind things to me, and being very supportive in this journey. But some of those same people messaging me or whatever are being hard on themselves for a bad day, or have been seriously down on themselves in the past for the same.
What is the difference? I QUIT. I really did. I GAVE UP. I had no intention of ever setting foot in a gym ever again. Never working out again. Eating whatever I want whenever I want, all the better if it's fat and sugar laden. Why encourage me after that?
I think we can be much too hard on ourselves. The saying that we are our own worst critic is sadly all too true. I can sit here and catalog every single thing I did wrong yesterday, from the ice cream I had at lunch to the text I sent to Carlos, and I did just that in my head. But what on earth is the point of tearing myself down? I am choosing instead to focus on the positive -- not to be Pollyanna or unrealistic or lie to myself about my weaknesses, but even though I quit and didn't want to go to the gym, I did it anyway, with some encouragement. I was hungry when I got home and had a protein shake and a small bowl of healthy cereal, and at that point my brain said, "Go eat some more ice cream! You earned it!" But my stomach was satisfied and so I talked with the husband a bit, then cleaned up (I was gross after my workout, ugh) and went to bed instead. That is a success! That is a GOOD thing! Was yesterday perfect? Not by half. But it was a good day anyway. For me, telling my brain and emotions NO! about the ice cream last night? That was almost as amazing as working out for 90 minutes. 90 minutes! Lifting weights, doing squats and lunges, running up and down a hall, using the rowing machine, doing wall squats in the dry sauna!
Here is my challenge to you: If you are having an off day, take a moment and be kind to yourself. Think of the things you did right, not wrong. Think of how great it feels to overcome one little thing or make a better choice than gorging on ice cream. And if you aren't having an off day, be kind to yourself anyway and think about the good things you are doing for yourself. You are worth giving yourself the same kindness you show to others.
Monday, January 17, 2011
I Quit Today
I really did. I texted Carlos about 5 hours before my appointment and said to cancel all of my remaining appointments, I give up.
He immediately called me and told me to get my behind to the gym, that he would be there for me and I'd better show up.
Gosh. Bossy much?
Even 20 minutes before I needed to leave, I wasn't 100% sure I was going to go in. The kids fight with me on whether I can get in or not, I've not been feeling so great, and honestly, I was feeling doomed to be fat for the rest of my life, so why bother trying.
I had made dinner for the husband and took it in to him ... and told him I was supposed to go to the gym. He told me to take some ibuprofen and go. So I got dressed, took some ibuprofen, and left. The kids didn't fight. Little Mister even said, "Bye bye!" and "See you later!" Which is a big change from the last time I was there when he was screaming and telling me not to go. As I was getting in the car, Carlos called again to make sure I was on my way.
I did my warmup and found Carlos. He worked me out for the next 90-ish minutes, a complete total body workout with some cardio. We chatted a lot and it turns out he and his girlfriend broke up over the weekend and a bunch of his clients canceled on him today, and he had stayed the whole day and really wanted to be there for me especially since my sessions expire in 2 weeks, so that is why he called.
I was about in tears when I just told him I didn't see a point because we only have two weeks and I don't know how much we'll get done, I've gained weight again lately, and I'm really discouraged and hopeless. He asked how I was feeling while I was working out and told me to focus on that. He said to think about how great I feel when I'm there, and remember that and focus on THAT instead of how frustrating it can be to get to the gym, the process of getting the kids settled so I can go, and all the challenges that come with getting ready to go. Just focus on how wonderful I will feel while I'm working out.
It was the best workout I've had in a very long time, honestly.
What's cool is that there are young guys there working out and showing off, and a couple of them came over to encourage me, too, counting down with Carlos during some of the timed exercises. And an older couple from Tonga chatted with me for a bit (they know my in-laws), and we showed them some of the routine. They then watched me power through pull ups and dips and asked how long I'd been working out. hehe.
All in all, I feel better now than I did before I went, though I know I'm going to be feeling it tomorrow. I already am, truth be told. As soon as I hit "Publish" I will be having an epsom salt bath in the hopes of minimizing tomorrow's discomfort. Yikes. Then I will be getting very honest with myself and specific about my goals for the months to come.
On another note, Runner Girl got her cast off today. She is walking fairly normally and will be in her normal shoes this weekend, though is still on running/jumping/stomping/dancing restrictions for another month. Hopefully by the time she's ready to start training, I'll be able to keep up with her!
He immediately called me and told me to get my behind to the gym, that he would be there for me and I'd better show up.
Gosh. Bossy much?
Even 20 minutes before I needed to leave, I wasn't 100% sure I was going to go in. The kids fight with me on whether I can get in or not, I've not been feeling so great, and honestly, I was feeling doomed to be fat for the rest of my life, so why bother trying.
I had made dinner for the husband and took it in to him ... and told him I was supposed to go to the gym. He told me to take some ibuprofen and go. So I got dressed, took some ibuprofen, and left. The kids didn't fight. Little Mister even said, "Bye bye!" and "See you later!" Which is a big change from the last time I was there when he was screaming and telling me not to go. As I was getting in the car, Carlos called again to make sure I was on my way.
I did my warmup and found Carlos. He worked me out for the next 90-ish minutes, a complete total body workout with some cardio. We chatted a lot and it turns out he and his girlfriend broke up over the weekend and a bunch of his clients canceled on him today, and he had stayed the whole day and really wanted to be there for me especially since my sessions expire in 2 weeks, so that is why he called.
I was about in tears when I just told him I didn't see a point because we only have two weeks and I don't know how much we'll get done, I've gained weight again lately, and I'm really discouraged and hopeless. He asked how I was feeling while I was working out and told me to focus on that. He said to think about how great I feel when I'm there, and remember that and focus on THAT instead of how frustrating it can be to get to the gym, the process of getting the kids settled so I can go, and all the challenges that come with getting ready to go. Just focus on how wonderful I will feel while I'm working out.
It was the best workout I've had in a very long time, honestly.
What's cool is that there are young guys there working out and showing off, and a couple of them came over to encourage me, too, counting down with Carlos during some of the timed exercises. And an older couple from Tonga chatted with me for a bit (they know my in-laws), and we showed them some of the routine. They then watched me power through pull ups and dips and asked how long I'd been working out. hehe.
All in all, I feel better now than I did before I went, though I know I'm going to be feeling it tomorrow. I already am, truth be told. As soon as I hit "Publish" I will be having an epsom salt bath in the hopes of minimizing tomorrow's discomfort. Yikes. Then I will be getting very honest with myself and specific about my goals for the months to come.
On another note, Runner Girl got her cast off today. She is walking fairly normally and will be in her normal shoes this weekend, though is still on running/jumping/stomping/dancing restrictions for another month. Hopefully by the time she's ready to start training, I'll be able to keep up with her!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I'm in trouble
When I moved back to Utah in 2003, I was exercising every day and got under 200 pounds for the first time since 1996. I did a lot of Tae Bo and walking and was eating healthier. I had a wretched bout with depression and gained it all back and then some, and then in 2006 got down to 215 ... which is where I was when we got married.
As of now, heart surgery, a wedding, two babies, multiple hormone shifts, and continued struggles with depression later, I'm at my heaviest ... around 256, 60 pounds heavier than I was at my lowest weight in 2003, and over 100 pounds more than I weighed my senior year in high school.
I got a call from Carlos the trainer tonight. I haven't worked out since the last time he and I worked out. I'd called him a few times after we canceled on each other several times in a row, but gave up a week ago. I decided I'd wait until I was over whatever virus the kids shared with me and then try Tae Bo again. Then Carlos called to schedule double appointments over the next two weeks.
I feel slightly guilty. We have to use up all of the rest of my sessions by February 1 (corporate expiration dates suck), and I've been a lazy slug and have probably GAINED weight since we met last. I don't own scales though, so I'm not entirely sure.
So I put Little Mister in bed and told him to stay put and go to sleep, and I popped in a 30-minute Tae Bo video.
It kicked my butt.
I did the whole thing, though some of it at half speed and some just walking while they were doing other things. I'm so angry with myself right now. I could do two of those in a row without a problem before and now I can't even get through one! My belly fat got in the way and my legs just don't move as fast as they used to; they're too heavy to move quickly.
I realize the hormones, depression, and life changes have played a huge role in me not taking care of myself previously, but I have no excuse anymore. I am a stay-at-home mom, not working for pay anymore, and even though I am busy with kids, husband, and housework, that doesn't excuse me and shouldn't prevent me from being good to me, too.
I do feel better now that I did the video, and Little Mister did go to sleep after chattering at me through the first 10 minutes. I hope I'm able to do it or a different one tomorrow and establish a pattern of a new habit for myself. Yes, I will do my workouts with Carlos until they're gone. After that, I will be working out at home after Little Mister has gone to bed. I have plenty of videos to get me going more regularly without getting bored; I just need to get over myself and do it.
As of now, heart surgery, a wedding, two babies, multiple hormone shifts, and continued struggles with depression later, I'm at my heaviest ... around 256, 60 pounds heavier than I was at my lowest weight in 2003, and over 100 pounds more than I weighed my senior year in high school.
I got a call from Carlos the trainer tonight. I haven't worked out since the last time he and I worked out. I'd called him a few times after we canceled on each other several times in a row, but gave up a week ago. I decided I'd wait until I was over whatever virus the kids shared with me and then try Tae Bo again. Then Carlos called to schedule double appointments over the next two weeks.
I feel slightly guilty. We have to use up all of the rest of my sessions by February 1 (corporate expiration dates suck), and I've been a lazy slug and have probably GAINED weight since we met last. I don't own scales though, so I'm not entirely sure.
So I put Little Mister in bed and told him to stay put and go to sleep, and I popped in a 30-minute Tae Bo video.
It kicked my butt.
I did the whole thing, though some of it at half speed and some just walking while they were doing other things. I'm so angry with myself right now. I could do two of those in a row without a problem before and now I can't even get through one! My belly fat got in the way and my legs just don't move as fast as they used to; they're too heavy to move quickly.
I realize the hormones, depression, and life changes have played a huge role in me not taking care of myself previously, but I have no excuse anymore. I am a stay-at-home mom, not working for pay anymore, and even though I am busy with kids, husband, and housework, that doesn't excuse me and shouldn't prevent me from being good to me, too.
I do feel better now that I did the video, and Little Mister did go to sleep after chattering at me through the first 10 minutes. I hope I'm able to do it or a different one tomorrow and establish a pattern of a new habit for myself. Yes, I will do my workouts with Carlos until they're gone. After that, I will be working out at home after Little Mister has gone to bed. I have plenty of videos to get me going more regularly without getting bored; I just need to get over myself and do it.
Monday, January 10, 2011
A "Good" Picture
This is me. Holding Bitty. At La Leche League last month.
I've been told it's a good picture of me/us. I see a cute baby held by a fat mom. That's really all I see when I look at my picture -- I won't point out all the things that bother me, but suffice it to say, I don't love myself in this photo or many others (although there are a few from high school and the wedding where I looked smokin').
But come to think of it, I have a hard time loving myself at all.
People are always asking, "If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?" My answer has always been, "My weight/size." Always. Ever since I can remember.
When I said that to myself this morning, I decided that that would be the very last time I answered that question that way. I *am* making changes, even if my consistency leaves something to be desired. I am the only one with the power TO make those changes and make myself the size I want to be and make myself as healthy as I can be. It's up to me. Period. I DO have the power to do it. I just have to stick to my plan, and ask for assistance when the plan isn't working.
If I can remember that and be more loving to myself, I know I can do it. And someday, I will actually take more photos of myself that I love, too.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Ah, the funny stuff
Little Mister keeps bringing me Runner Girl's water baby, smashing her face into my boob, and telling me to nurse her. I tried leaving my shirt in place, but that didn't work for him. So funny.
Bitty keeps squirming to get down and play,a dn then gets frustrated when she can't go get what she wants to get or someone moves it from her or takes the toy away from her. "Someone" is usually Little Mister. Bitty is army crawling and can move the walker around like nobody's business, following me into the kitchen and down halls, but not really crawling or walking yet (thankfully).
I got a final notice letter from the pediatrician. For a balance of $0.00. Yes, you read that right. $0.00. I put it in the stack of mail to deal with later and came across it today after paying another bill off. (YAY!) I called the billing office and told the gal about the letter and she about busted a gut laughing. She said, "Well you paid that on the 15th. When was the letter dated." "Um, the 15th." "Oh, so we were being efficient, but you paid it." *pause* "What this boils down to is that it's YOUR fault we sent you that because you paid it off. How do you like that?" We both laughed and laughed. I have tears in my eyes still.
Runner Girl was drinking chocolate milk for breakfast this morning and I took a picture of her. She asked if she had a milk mustache. I said, "Yes, like Tom Selleck." She gave me a blank look. "Who is that?" Oh, I'm old. I laughed and said, "Remember in Meet the Robinsons? The painting?" "Oh yeah ..." "He's famous for his mustache, though I don't know that he still has it." Ruined the joke, but whaddya do?
Anyway. It's been a fun morning at our house. :)
Bitty keeps squirming to get down and play,a dn then gets frustrated when she can't go get what she wants to get or someone moves it from her or takes the toy away from her. "Someone" is usually Little Mister. Bitty is army crawling and can move the walker around like nobody's business, following me into the kitchen and down halls, but not really crawling or walking yet (thankfully).
I got a final notice letter from the pediatrician. For a balance of $0.00. Yes, you read that right. $0.00. I put it in the stack of mail to deal with later and came across it today after paying another bill off. (YAY!) I called the billing office and told the gal about the letter and she about busted a gut laughing. She said, "Well you paid that on the 15th. When was the letter dated." "Um, the 15th." "Oh, so we were being efficient, but you paid it." *pause* "What this boils down to is that it's YOUR fault we sent you that because you paid it off. How do you like that?" We both laughed and laughed. I have tears in my eyes still.
Runner Girl was drinking chocolate milk for breakfast this morning and I took a picture of her. She asked if she had a milk mustache. I said, "Yes, like Tom Selleck." She gave me a blank look. "Who is that?" Oh, I'm old. I laughed and said, "Remember in Meet the Robinsons? The painting?" "Oh yeah ..." "He's famous for his mustache, though I don't know that he still has it." Ruined the joke, but whaddya do?
Anyway. It's been a fun morning at our house. :)
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