Monday, January 10, 2011

A "Good" Picture

This is me. Holding Bitty. At La Leche League last month.

I've been told it's a good picture of me/us. I see a cute baby held by a fat mom. That's really all I see when I look at my picture -- I won't point out all the things that bother me, but suffice it to say, I don't love myself in this photo or many others (although there are a few from high school and the wedding where I looked smokin').

But come to think of it, I have a hard time loving myself at all.

People are always asking, "If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?"  My answer has always been, "My weight/size."  Always.  Ever since I can remember. 

When I said that to myself this morning, I decided that that would be the very last time I answered that question that way.  I *am* making changes, even if my consistency leaves something to be desired.  I am the only one with the power TO make those changes and make myself the size I want to be and make myself as healthy as I can be.  It's up to me.  Period.  I DO have the power to do it.  I just have to stick to my plan, and ask for assistance when the plan isn't working.

If I can remember that and be more loving to myself, I know I can do it. And someday, I will actually take more photos of myself that I love, too.


Corinne said...

Love love LOVE your attitude Esther!! I'm right there with you. Acceptance is so tough, but necessary.

Kristina P. said...

I think you look lovely. But I know that no matter how many people tell you that, you have to believe it for yourself.

Reynolds Family said...

Picture schmicture! I remember a beautiful, extremely talented girl inside and out. Pretty sure she's still there:) Give yourself a chance to find her-you've got a great attitude!

musicmom said...

I see a beautiful baby and a beautiful mommy.
I too am with you. I currently am heavier that I have been my whole life (including when I was 9 months pregnant.) But it doesn't matter how much I hate it or am working on it. I have to love myself despite all of that, and because of all of that.
I too love your attitude!!!!! You are an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. And sharing your life's lessons. You really are talented and beautiful.