Different Perspective

So I get to the gym tonight and Carlos, my cute trainer, is there in short shorts. Not like 1980s basketball shorts. But mid thigh.

It's 27 degrees outside and the back door of the gym is open.

Carlos is not a big guy, but he is toned and buff. He's probably 5 feet 4 inches and has a very low percentage of body fat, so he doesn't have padding to keep him warm (unlike me, haha). He also has spiky hair and earrings. (Blast. I just remembered I forgot to sneak a picture of him! LOL.)

About 15 minutes into my workout, he went and got a jacket on because he was cold. A few minutes later, he had to go in front of that open back door, looking for a mat for me. He came back out of the dark recesses of the breezeway shivering harder and said, "Man, everyone is looking at me because I'm wearing these shorts!"

I said something about with those short shorts in this weather, he would have to be cold. He said, "Well, I have to show off my legs!" Which made me laugh and I said, "True, when you have nice legs, you show them off." "Especially when you have quads like mine!" hahaha. He made me laugh.

But before we got into the discussion about legs, I said something else that I decided I should share here. I said to Carlos, "I figured they were all staring at me because I'm so fat." He seemed surprised that I would think that everyone was watching me for that reason, and I was surprised there was a different reason anyone would be watching me work out.

Here's the thing. When I first started going to the gym last fall/winter, I was extremely self conscious about it and hesitated to go. It was very difficult to push myself out of that comfort zone and I had anxiety over it. I also had a deserve issue of whether I "deserved" to be at the gym or not because of my size. And I worried about what everyone else thought of me when I was there, or that the pretty people would think I didn't deserve to be there.

Since the second night back at the gym after the move, I haven't worried so much about what everyone else thinks of me. Or at least I thought I didn't. Until Carlos mentioned everyone staring at HIM.

It bothers me that I would care what any of them think -- I don't know any of them. Plus it's not THEIR health or body at risk, so their opinion shouldn't matter a bit. The only thing that matters is MY motivation, MY determination, and MY opinion of myself, and my family's support (because honestly if The Rock and Runner Girl didn't support and help me with the littles while I'm at the gym, I wouldn't be able to get it done).

So, here I am at home with noodles for arms after killing it at the gym. I am going to take a hot shower and cut out fabric for Christmas presents. And I'll eat well tomorrow, then go back to the gym and tear it up on cardio, even if I have to use 3 different machines to get through an hour of it. And the hell with what anyone else might think or strange looks people give me when I go in.

They're probably looking at Carlos anyway.

The "Diet" Thing

I am giving an eating plan a serious go this week. I caught a glimpse of myself in the window of the church today. Not to mention the 3D image of myself on the Kinect. *shudder*

Per the trainer and Livestrong, I need to eat about 2350 calories a day to lose about a pound a week. It breaks down to about 390 per meal (6 per day). That's a lot of calories. Unless you eat donuts and pie. (Adding in exercise will help me shed about another pound a week.)

So, before I go to bed tonight, I'm going to write down a list of things I can eat that we have that are about that many calories, and will be hitting the store for produce in the morning. We need fruit and veggies apparently.

Wednesday workout

I'm home from the gym but am going to do some cardio here pretty soon. Just wanted to make a quick post to say I did work out tonight! Did the workout that Carlos outlined for me, though I will admit to not doing one of the exercises as long as I was able to a couple of nights ago. I may have to up my weights soon because some of them are getting easier. WEIRD. heh.

However, I am still working on trying to correct the diet portion of this equation. I just ... I love junk food. Period. Greasy burgers, fries, ice cream, pizza, sugar in most forms, pepsi, vanilla coke, starches, breads ... It isn't exactly an accident that I weigh as much as a small whale*, you know?

I met with a nutritionist Monday and have asked advice from the trainer. I just ... wow. Nights are so hard. I worked third shift for so many years, my body is just used to not sleeping before 2 a.m. so I stay up late every night. And nighttime? My worst time for cravings and wanting to eat those foods that are supposed to be "occasional" but are "all the time" for me. And you know, when the babies are crying and the preteen is being, well, a preteen, I just don't care! I want the chocolate and grease! And I haven't figured out yet how to overcome any of this.

My goal this week (after Thanksgiving, of course) is to eat clean during the day and evening and nothing after 9 p.m. (except a protein shake before/after the workout), tracking every single thing I put in my mouth and when so I know where I'm losing it and where I'm okay.

*gross exaggeration. really, really gross.

Training!

Did a total body workout with weights last night ... I think I told Carlos at one point that he was mean, but he just smiled his cute smile at me and told me to keep going. lol.

Lunges, squats, chest presses, flyes, shoulder presses, bent over rows, biceps curls, and triceps presses. yeah ... It was a really good workout actually.

There was one funny thing though. He handed me a 15 pound bar. I grabbed it in the middle with both hands in an overhand grip, and he had me raise it up to my chin (so my elbows were making a V). I told him it was too light, he didn't believe me, and I powered through 15 reps without a problem. He said, "hm. Okay. Let's try 24." Those were a tad more challenging. But really, I'm doing the same sort of action all day long with the 16 pound baby and the 30 pound toddler, sometimes at the same time.

Cardio and yoga tonight!

Here's today's tip: Livestrong.com. It's free. Track your calories and your fitness/activity, and see what happens! It even helps you figure out how many calories you should be eating every day to lose X pounds a week. Good stuff.

And don't be jealous that breast feeding burns 500 calories a day. I'm still at my prepregnancy weight, but am hoping to shed 10 to 15 pounds by year's end.

The Surgery

We met with the surgeon today and the surgery has been scheduled for December 17th. We will be starting her Christmas break a week early, though I may see if she has a choir performance and/or class party and take her back for those things.

Anyway, because of her extra foot bones, he can't do everything that needs to be done on both feet at the same time because she wouldn't be mobile for 4 weeks. Her left foot is worse and has the bigger extra bone, so he will be doing the arch implant on that side and removing the bone, then putting it in a cast. He will do the arch implant on the right side as well, and she should be able to walk with a crutch (I think) in a few days. We will play it by ear as far as taking out the other extra bone in the fuutre, but she doesn't have so much pain on that side.

They got it all set up with the hospickle and the insurance, though I will call the insurance to double check in a couple of weeks.

And me? I hurt everywhere today. I didn't think I'd worked out that hard last night, but man, I'm feeling it today! I'm supposed to do cardio and abs tonight, but I may just do a cardio video at home instead of trying to climb on the elliptical. We shall see.

I have a new trainer!

It took some work on my end, calling the gym and calling them a couple more times, but I have a new trainer.

His name is Carlos. He is 21. And VERY cute. I left my phone in the husband's car today, so I didn't take a picture, but stay tuned for Monday. lol

So, I warmed up on the elliptical and he gathered up some equipment, then led me down a hallway, where I stepped on a mat and slipped and smacked my knee on the concrete floor. And did the splits. Awesome.

We worked out anyway. He was so sweet about it, kept asking if I was OK, checking on my knee at random times, lol. Did a total body workout and he gave me my caloric intake guidelines. Then he spanked me soundly and sent me on my way.

Just kidding.

We set up a new appointment for Monday and off I went, immediately taking ibuprofen and icing my knee when I got home. The knee was already stiffening up, so driving the car with the manual transmission wasn't easy. Hoping I'm better tomorrow.

We meet with Runner Girl's surgeon tomorrow and will be scheduling her surgery.

p.s. Sonic has evil commercials in the middle of the night. Just saying.

sad day: cross country is officially over

The cross country coach called me yesterday to invite us to the year-end ice cream social.

Nothing says, "You're done training!" than loading up on fat and sugar, eh?

We turned in Runner Girl's racing jersey and socialized for a little while, and ate some yummy ice cream, but we had to leave early because it was past the baby's bedtime. It wasn't pleasant, leaving. Those kids love Little Mister and he loves playing with them -- one was playing catch with a football with Little Mister. Little Mister was *not* pleased I took him away from the kids and the ball and smacked me across the eyes. Awesome. Even better? He hit the sty in my left eyelid dead on. *sigh* Two is such a hard age.

I talked with the coach about next year, and the other charter schools are pushing for rule changes, as in only letting 7th, 8th, and 9th graders run, and taking the first 5 runners from each team for scoring. That messes up our school two ways: First, our school doesn't have a 9th grade. In our school district, 9th grade is in high school, and our 9th graders go to the charter high school down the street. Second, if our younger runners aren't allowed to run, we won't have 5 runners, boys or girls, to count for our scores.

Honestly, it seems like sour grapes since our young runners are beating their 9th graders. We have 4th, 5th, and 6th graders in the top 5 in every race. Bitter much?

Anyway. Runner Girl will be having her foot surgery to correct her flat feet and remove the extra bones in December. It is a same day surgery and she will be in casts for 4 weeks, then surgical shoes for a couple more weeks. She will be unable to run, jump, or stomp until February/March. We are planning on training starting in March and hopefully we'll do a 5K in June. We decided to train whether the other schools prevail in their desire to exclude our school from the races or not.

In the meantime, I will be getting back to the gym 4 days a week and will call the trainer manager tomorrow to get set up for that. I am hoping to get up to running a 5k every day on the treadmill and/or doing 7.5k on the elliptical so I can keep up with Runner Girl ... and hopefully the team.

p.s. It's The Rock's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY!!!