Sunday, December 26, 2010

Merry New Year

Christmas was a wonderful day for my family.  The kids got the clothes they needed, and then some.  The toys from my brother and his wife are fabulous!  And the camera?  LOVE it. I did make the hoodie for the husband, which he adores.  It is the first time a jacket has fit him properly.

I also got an update on my friend Jeannie.  She has been discharged from the hospital, so thank you for all your prayers. 

Kiddo gets her stitches out tomorrow, and she seems pretty nervous about it.  Her cast stays on the other foot for another 2-1/2 weeks though.

I'm also planning on getting back on my eating plan starting tomorrow.  I ordered a protein powder that has no artificial sweeteners in it -- had to search for one pretty hard.  Carlos recommended I get some and use it, so I have it.  And now I'll be using it to help in my workouts and hopefully weight loss.  Yay.

We are gearing up for the new year, making goals and resolutions and trying to become better as individuals and as a family.  I personally am trying to get the house in order and keep it that way -- it's gotten away from me in the months of depression. 

This week, my brother, The Army Guy, is coming in town.  Planning on spending time with him and his family and hoping The Rock comes too.  Wish me luck with the eating plan while they are here.  His wife makes yummy food.  haha.

I hope your continued celebrations this week are full of joy and love.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

We are so blessed!

It's been a hard year for us, financially speaking.  We have the most wonderful kids and baby Bitty is the sweetest thing!  The Rock told me that she needed to come to our family to mellow him out, and she has. A lot. But I haven't worked since May when things got too difficult in my pregnancy. And The Rock's bipolar disorder has been flared up pretty bad this year so he hasn't worked consistently, too.  As a result, we had to move from our condo to an apartment as the condo is in foreclosure, and we have been taken to court by the HOA and have faced some pretty nasty goings on.

There have been times I've despaired of things ever getting better and have, at times, been fairly suicidal.  I haven't talked much about MY depression, but it is there.  I have good days and bad ones, and I never know what it's going to be when I get up in the morning.  Fortunately, more good days than bad have been happening lately, though the bad ones are still very bad.

We have had to get help from family and our church at times over the past months, and it is hard to swallow your pride and admit you can't do it all. 

A couple of weeks ago, one of the gals in our church called and asked us if we needed anything for Christmas.  She's in a leadership position and I knew she would keep it all confidential, so I said yes and told her a few of the needs for Little Mister and Runner Girl, mostly clothing.  Toys we have.  Entertainment we have.  Clothing, she has, but not much in the way of uniform pants for school.  He doesn't have very much warm clothing, though he does have a nice coat I bought last year that still fits and a great hat a friend made him, and boots that still fit from last year too.  Then she asked if we needed anything for the baby.  And I thought of the boxes and bags of clothing and things we've been given for her -- we have clothing for at least her first two years.  Some of it was new but a lot was gently used, and I've had to purchase very little for her.  She asked about stuff for The Rock and myself, but we are fairly well set, except The Rock needs a new hoodie/jacket. But nothing off the rack fits him so I'm making him one for Christmas (assuming I get over the intimidation factor and start sewing tonight).  So really, we have very few needs, mostly just clothing for my son and some school clothing for my daughter.  She wrote it all down and that was the last I'd heard from her.

My brother, The Architect, and his family had our family for Christmas this year, and they gave us our gifts at the family Christmas party tonight.  Actually, he asked me for my keys and put it all in the car for me.  (They also purchased a camera for us with the understanding we would pay them back, and I did tonight with the Christmas money my mom sent us.)  When we got home, I popped open the trunk and saw 4 big presents and started pulling them out ... and then under that, there was a turkey, some cereal, pasta, and a bunch of other groceries. I couldn't remember when I'd gone to the store and bought a turkey so I stood there staring at it for a few minutes until it hit me that they'd gone above and beyond the normal gift exchange.  We brought it all in and put it away, and I called and left a message thanking them for their generosity.

After I got the littles to bed, Runner Girl said someone had knocked and then called.  I checked my voice mail and it was the gal from church.  She'd left a bag of presents on our patio.  It was 10:30 so I didn't call her back, but I did go get them.  I will call her back tomorrow as she requested in the voice mail.

I have made some gifts for each of the kids and have a few more to finish up in the next few days, and that was really all I had planned on the kids getting for Christmas this year.  The Rock, too.  I have oodles of yarn and fabric and have sewn and crocheted and knitted a bunch the last few weeks getting those things done, and I know those gifts will be appreciated by my kids and husband, and I have found a few dollars here and there this week to send presents to a few friends and my little brother's family as well (we had them for Christmas this year, and all the gifts I've sent were made by  me).  I also know the things that we have been given by others will be very much appreciated by all of us.

The Rock has started stabilizing out and has been working more in the last two weeks.  We are hopeful that that trend will continue, and that we will get back on our feet soon.  But as I sit here, looking around this apartment, which has a full pantry, fridge, and freezer, furniture to sit and sleep on, electronics and many movies for entertainment, laundry piled up so I know we are blessed with clothing and blankets, a lopsided tree with presents finally under it, and my three little ones all asleep in their beds ... I realize we have indeed been abundantly blessed.  

Monday, December 20, 2010

Monday Musings

I know I'm biased, but I have the best kid.  Runner Girl had her foot surgery on Friday on both feet, has a cast on her left foot and bandages on her right, and today?  Has helped watch her hyper brother and she did the dishes.  She's wiped out now and resting on the couch, but she's had a long day, starting with getting woken up by her brother so we could go to the podiatrist for her 3-day postop check.

They took her bandages off her right foot and checked her incision.  She is healing just fine, everything looks great, and Dr. Mark is happy with the arch that is now there.  He re-bandaged her and sent us on our way.  She gets her stitches out next Monday!  Her cast will stay on for 4 weeks total, and then she'll be in bandages for a while after that as well.

We've been fairly swamped since, though DisGrace and her kids have been tremendous helps with Little Mister (a.k.a. Busy).  I need to reclaim my house from disaster zones though ... but I'm still working on Christmas prezzies, so that's going to have to wait until next week.  Every spare minute is used knitting, crocheting, or sewing something.  Or making cookies (which I did tonight for The Rock's co-workers and boss).

At any rate, Runner Girl should be good to start training in March.  Which means I need to get my own training in gear so I can keep up with her. I can't run being this fat.  I can't do much of anything.  It's not easy making changes, even when they are necessary, and I keep slipping up or running out of time to do my workouts or whatever, because I'm so busy with the kids.  I'm not sure how to rectify it, but I am working on it.

Merry Christmas, dear readers.  I am not sure if I will be back before then.  And if that's not your belief system, have a great week!  ;)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Ugh ugh ugh

I haven't met with Carlos for over a week. He was sick, then I had a migraine, and, well, I hated the workout he had me do last time and I wasn't looking forward to admitting I've been emotionally eating. I feel like crying over how I've sabotaged myself the last week. And I did shed a tear or two at the gym. Ugh.

Using resistance bands last time, he had me do some endurance work. Lots and lots of reps, timed.

Hate. Hate. Hate.

So I told him that tonight and he said, "Good! We're going to do it again!"

See how happy he is that he was going to make me suffer???

So we started.  I almost fell over.  Shape ups are comfy but they are NOT good for doing squats or steps because they knock you off balance.

My arms are noodles.  My legs are Jello.  When I mentioned that to him, he said I was making him hungry.  Good, because he made me feel like I'm going to hurl.  Glad we're both uncomfortable.

After he killed me for 30 minutes, he told me that my endurance for activity is very low (duh) and that I need to do these exercises so I can be more active.  *sigh*  I hope I can actually force myself to do this workout before next time or he's going to make me do it again with him, and he shows no mercy. (That's a lie. He could see I wasn't feeling well and shortened my times by half.)

Starting next time (which is up in the air), we'll be doing hour-long sessions to use up my paid-for sessions before they expire.  It'll be a bit touchy when I can get back because Runner Girl is having her surgery this Friday, but we are going to try next week.

Carlos doesn't know my blog address or why I snapped his picture, but I'm going to put his picture in front of my face while I do the workout so I can pretend he's there telling me to get it done. We'll see if that works for my motivation.

The good news is that feeling this wretched makes me want to eat better again.  If only I hadn't just made a couple pounds of Gramma's caramel/toffee.  I'd better get some more apples to eat it with so I can pretend it's not bad for me.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A Friend is in Need

This is completely off topic, dear readers, but I hope you'll bear with me. My friend Jeanie, a former co-worker, sweetheart, and generally on of the nicest people you'll ever meet, had surgery last week for lung cancer. She was doing well though was in quite a bit of pain, but has had a turn for the worse and is back in the ICU with clots and a tear in her lung.

Jeanie is always so positive and shared with me previously that she believes her circumstances now are in God's hands, whether she makes it through this surgery and recovery or not. I wish I had that much faith. I don't. I'm not perfect. But I do know God loves each of us. Here's an example.

In early November, I had been working on some felted wool slippers for a Christmas swap. They are very warm and soft and cozy, and I love them. The first pair I made felted a size too small for the intended recipient, and I put them to the side, thinking I'd sell them, but before I listed them on etsy, I felt that God had a plan for them. A week or so later, Jeanie told me she had cancer.

A little something came to mind telling me to ask her for her shoe size and address. I wanted her to have something in the hospital to remind her that we love her and just planned to make a pair for her. She seemed confused in her email back as to why I would need her shoe size, but she gave it to me anyway. The already made slippers were her size.

I shipped them off to her and sent her another email saying she should get something soon. She was so excited! She emailed me as soon as she got them the day after Thanksgiving, saying they were lovely and a perfect fit.

I'm asking you, whatever your belief system, to say a prayer or send a positive thought her way. Whatever God's plan is, that they'll be able to manage her pain until she returns home to God, or that the doctors will be able to clear her clots and other issues so she can return to her earthly home and normal life.

Love you Jeanie.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Since last Thursday, I haven't actually made it back to the gym. SO frustrating. BUT I have been more careful about my calories and haven't gone over once since then. I am noticing that I usually have more energy and am not stuffed too full to move (unlike last week when I made the mac and cheese ...).

I actually felt like my calorie allowance was too high because I wasn't getting hungry at all between my meals and snack and still felt satisfied, so I lowered it a bit. I am getting better at portion control as well, and while I don't let myself get to the "famished" point, I am feeling a bit hungry before it's time to eat again ... which I'm embarrassed to admit I wasn't feeling before at ALL. I know, right? I was just eating all the dang time. No wonder I got so fat!

The Rock and I have talked about all of this lately. I weigh 40 pounds more than I did the day we met and the day we got married, and it's just not OK to stay that way. He wasn't raised eating healthy and gets cranky if I cook healthy too much. BUT he finally said, "Do what you need to do to get healthier. If I get desperate, I will go eat at my folks' house." Score! I'm taking him at his word and cooking leaner and healthier. We don't even have any red meat in the house right now! bwahahahaha I should add he weighs about 60-70 pounds more than he did when we got married. He is working out now and trying to get some of it off, but it's (unfairly) much easier for him to drop weight even if he's eating junk than it is for me.

I've also been able to get my picky toddler to eat real food several times in the last week (instead of his usual diet of crackers, cereal, and chicken nuggets). Bonus! And the baby is wanting food too, so since I'm eating healthier, I'm just sharing with her and she likes it! She detests baby food, which is fine by me.

I'm going to finish sewing a project tonight, cut out some fabric, and go to bed. Tomorrow, I meet up with Carlos again and am going to kill it at the gym. Bam!

Good night dear readers!

Friday, December 3, 2010

Oh the GUILT!!

Yesterday, I was doing pretty well and was on track with my eating plan, until Kiddo asked for mac and cheese last night for dinner. Not the box stuff. The homemade stuff. With the rich, ooey, gooey, 3-cheese sauce ... oh bad bad bad.

I ate way, way, way too much of that and was too full to work out after.

I decided to go to the gym anyway but just to walk on the treadmill because something is better than nothing, right? Well. Carlos didn't agree. He stopped me on my way out to make an appointment or two for next week, and told me, "When you come do your cardio, no more of this walking crap!" (I usually use the elliptical and he knows I go faster on that, plus it burns more calories.)

I had to admit to him that I had over eaten at dinner and was having a pain in my side. The look on his face ... Ouch.

I'm betting he kills me next week in our sessions.

I came home and logged my calories on and about hurled. Yeah. It was bad.

As of today, I am recommitting to myself to eat well. Eating clean doesn't have to be a burden, but it does have to happen. I also do have to get to the gym every day, and that's a commitment I'm making to myself as well. It doesn't mean diddly squat if I'm doing it for my husband or kids (or even Carlos), if I'm not really committed to making my own life better for ME.

Good bye mac and cheese. I can't make you again anytime soon. Maybe in another decade.