Saturday, October 19, 2013

A little gratitude

I saw a picture of a friend today.  As I was looking at this picture, I thought about how absolutely in love she and her husband are.  They are so cute together, so much in love.  He finds her incredibly sexy and adores her to no end.  And you know what?  He's right.  But she is so much more than that.  She is a fantastic mother, a fabulous friend, loving and generous and kind and feisty and wonderful in so many ways.  Her worth is far greater than existing to make someone else desire her.

My friend and I are similar sizes.  We do not fit society's picture perfect mold.  We have stretch marks and scars and carry more weight than perhaps we should.  And we both have worth far beyond our physical bodies or other people's opinions of us.

Society would have us believe otherwise, that there is only one version of sexy, one version of a woman who is "worth" being, one 2-dimensional version of a person "worth" having.  Society would also have us believe that our only worth lies in the fact that another person finds us attractive.  You see it in magazines, on TV, all over the internet.  If you're bigger than __ or weigh more than __, you don't belong.  You have little to no worth.  You *might* be considered the funny sidekick, but you are never entitled to have your own love story or life.  It is all about society's ideal.

While I was looking at her picture and pondering (in a non-creepy non-stalker way, I promise) how much her husband loves her, it hit me like a ton of bricks:  My husband loves me just as much.  He does find me sexy.  He chose me.  He wants to be with me and wants to hang out with me.  He still chooses me, day in and day out.  We have been through a whole lot the last few years, but especially the last year.  And we keep choosing each other.  Neither of us is perfect.  Not even close.  But we are both amazing, in so many ways.

Last night, around 6:30 p.m., I was slammed with an incredibly painful migraine -- sparkly visual auras, nausea and vomiting, and lots and lots of pain.  (It's 1:30 p.m. as I'm typing this and I'm still in pain.  Not a fun day.)  It did not respond to any pain medication or antiemetic.  My sweetheart stopped what he was doing and took care of me and our children.  He put the kids to bed and went to the store at midnight and bought ginger ale and saltines (which is all I kept down until late this morning).  He brought me a cool wet cloth for my head.  He checked on me and the kids in the night to make sure they were in their own beds and letting me sleep as peacefully as possible without little knees and elbows injuring my aching body.  Today, he made sure the kids got breakfast and lunch and brought me food, too.  He laid in bed and cuddled and talked quietly with me while I rested.

His worth is so much more than what society might see in him.  I see a loving father and a caring husband who is trying his best to provide for and care for us in this moment.  I see a man who wants to be better and is doing more and trying harder every day to make that happen.  I see a man who is amazing, in so many ways, and I'm thankful he is mine.

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