Monday, December 12, 2011

Halfway through December ...

Most of the holiday shopping was done a few months ago.  The baking is just beginning.

Which is why the kids got chocolate chip cookies for lunch today.

Well.  Part of the reason.

Yesterday at church, one of the sisters who comes to visit me monthly said they wanted to come over today.  I started panicking.

Every weekend, our house seems to get trashed.  Every room, top to bottom, every flat surface, even vertical surfaces at times... just STUFF everywhere.  I'm a culprit, I know, but when VOD and The Rock are home, the mess multiplies.  So Mondays are my "catch up" days.

Today, Baby Girl had a checkup first thing.  And I was supposed to go to La Leche League.

I couldn't clean it all up last night; I haven't clipped my coupons in two months (bag over head), and the piles of inserts were threatening to take over the dining room.  So I guess in a way I did clean a bit, because I got through about 80% of the inserts last night and put all the trash in the recycling box.

So, we went to the doctor.  Baby Girl managed to leak through her diaper and soak her pants; she never does this, so I don't always have a spare pair of pants in the van.  The decision was made for me -- no LLL meeting today, just went straight home after the doctor.  (She's growing, thriving, communicating, and he has no concerns even though she likes to eat pencil erasers and glitter.)

Tried for an HOUR to get her down for her nap.  She started punching me halfway through that, so I got up and left and she hid in the corner and pooped.  Oh.  Change the diaper (4th change by 10:45 a.m.) and try for the nap again.  Phone rings.  Preschooler making noise and jumping on us.  The next half hour was a struggle, but she did go to sleep, so I started cleaning.  And worked super fast.

It is not spotless.  The dishes haven't been done.  The table is still cluttered.  But all the junk is off the living room floor and out of the hallway.  Vacuuming has been done.  Coats are about to be hung up.  I ate lunch while the cookies baked, and then gave the kids cookies and milk for lunch.  Hush.

I now have 4 laundry baskets full of laundry to put away, plus the washer and dryer are full and there are three loads of laundry to still put in, and I do need to do the dishes and clear my crafting stuff away, but you know what?  We are miles ahead of where we were a few months ago.  You can sit on the couch.  You can GET to the couch.  You can walk down the hall without tripping on anything.  You can get to my son's bed without leaping over piles of his sister's stuff.  (the same cannot be said for the sister's bed because her stuff is on the floor, but at least it's migrated to her own room.)

And I realized that even though I get stressed out about various things, I'm miles ahead of where I was a year ago, because my postpartum depression is better.  On a bad day, I still have to take my herbs and chill by myself for a little while, but I can DO that now without worrying myself nearly to death over it.  My husband understands that I WILL clean up messes, and if it's something he wants, he'd better put it away himself before I get to it.  The kids are learning to clean up after themselves, too, and I'm making progress on my research project.

If I think about where I was a year ago, I cry.  Because I was in bad shape emotionally and was not enjoying life.  Even though I still have days where I cry, we still have money problems, the kids are still rambunctious and wear me out, and I am tired more often than not, I am enjoying my life now.  I can see a light at the end of the tunnel and am hopeful that things will continue to improve.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this:  Everyone has times that are bad.  Everyone does.  If someone says they've never had a struggle or trial, they are lying.  But eventually, you get through it and things are so much better on the other side.  So if you're in the throes of a depression, or just a rough spot in life, keep plugging away.because it WILL get better.

And you might decide that some days, it's not so bad to give the kids chocolate chip cookies for lunch.


Corinne said...

Good girl Esther!! Hooray for small (large) milestones like getting to the couch!! Eat a cookie for me too. :-)

kadyb said...

Ummm. Warm chocolate chip cookies for lunch. Yummm!!

Leslie said...

Amen, amen, and amen. Amen to the constant battle against mess (don't get me started on what our place looks like right now), amen to doing the best you can WHEN you can, amen to knowing when it's "good enough," and amen to remembering that the ruts are temporary.

And AMEN (with an added hallelujah!) to having cookies and milk for lunch. Lately that's been more of a rule for me than an exception.

Love your posts!