Monday, October 24, 2011

I got roses today, from a much younger man

My sister, mom, and dad watched my two littles this morning while I took my science final (which I passed!).  When I pulled up at lunchtime with bags of food and some drinks, my son ran up to me holding a beautiful red rose he'd picked and said, "Mom!  I have a flower for you!"  He handed it to me, I inhaled the sweet fragrance and thanked him.  He showed me the beautiful pink rose he'd picked for himself and we went inside and ate lunch.  He kept saying, "Mom!  You missed me?"  It was really sweet, and baby girl held onto me like it had been forever since she'd seen me.

I would post pictures, but when we got back to our van to go home, he couldn't find his pink rose and asked if he could have my red one back.  I couldn't deny such an innocent request.  He fell asleep in the van, clutching the poor flower, and when we got home, he smashed it under his little body while he slept on the couch.

As soon as he woke up, he handed the now-wilted rose back to me ... it's sitting her, flat, next to my computer.  A sweet gesture from a sweet boy who missed his mama today.

I hope I remember how sweet he really is the next time he throws something at the baby or hits me in frustration for being told no!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Yay Friday!

So it's Friday.  Night.  I've done 4 workouts this week (skipped last night) and I'm starting to feel better.  I'm getting my eating under control and haven't had a Pepsi in a WEEK. 

Tonight's workout was a video I bought when VOD was Bitty's age.  I LOVE that workout.  I always forget how great I feel afterward, all sweaty and gross and empowered.  Love the endorphins!   It was never a super popular workout video like Jillian's or Tae Bo, but I tell ya ... every time I do it, I feel it. 

After I got done, I sat down and started thinking to myself ... I've been fighting my weight for my whole life, but I got serious about it when VOD was small and I lost 40-ish pounds.  I gained them back.  Lost most of them again right before I met The Rock.  I gained them back and they brought friends.  And here I am, slightly smaller than my heaviest un-pregnant weight ... and disgusted with myself. 

Working out is FUN!  I like it.  It's a boost to my confidence, my strength, my mood, my ability to cope.  I like myself more when I'm working out regularly and eating healthier.  Why on earth do I keep forgetting and going back to eating junk and not working out?  WHY??? 

I think I need to figure that out before I "forget" again, because apparently that's what's keeping me fat and unhealthy.  I know I'm a stress eater, an emotional eater.  And I need to create new habits and new neural pathways in my brain so that when I'm stressed, I get moving instead of eating.  But that can't be the only WHY. 

My plan for this week is to explore that and the motivation/inspiration side of things.  Because I think if I can figure myself out that way, I'll be well on my way to health and healing.

Monday, October 3, 2011


So, readers, I want to know what motivates you.  What inspires you to create, make changes, or just inspires you period. 

Is it sad that I haven't been as motivated as I want to be to lose weight?  Not until some friends started a little competition involving money.  Now I'm exercising and eating better, though I know it's a long shot and I'm definitely not the best at this.  But still.  It's motivating me. 

I need some inner motivation, because this thing is only a month and I don't want to backslide at all.  Hm.

While the day is still nice, I'm taking Little Mister and Baby Girl to the park -- I drove the kids to school, fed the little ones, got The Rock off to school, changed the dishwasher, changed the laundry (twice), took the trash out, swept the kitchen, and vacuumed the living room.  I think I've earned a break.