Yay Friday!

So it's Friday.  Night.  I've done 4 workouts this week (skipped last night) and I'm starting to feel better.  I'm getting my eating under control and haven't had a Pepsi in a WEEK. 

Tonight's workout was a video I bought when VOD was Bitty's age.  I LOVE that workout.  I always forget how great I feel afterward, all sweaty and gross and empowered.  Love the endorphins!   It was never a super popular workout video like Jillian's or Tae Bo, but I tell ya ... every time I do it, I feel it. 

After I got done, I sat down and started thinking to myself ... I've been fighting my weight for my whole life, but I got serious about it when VOD was small and I lost 40-ish pounds.  I gained them back.  Lost most of them again right before I met The Rock.  I gained them back and they brought friends.  And here I am, slightly smaller than my heaviest un-pregnant weight ... and disgusted with myself. 

Working out is FUN!  I like it.  It's a boost to my confidence, my strength, my mood, my ability to cope.  I like myself more when I'm working out regularly and eating healthier.  Why on earth do I keep forgetting and going back to eating junk and not working out?  WHY??? 

I think I need to figure that out before I "forget" again, because apparently that's what's keeping me fat and unhealthy.  I know I'm a stress eater, an emotional eater.  And I need to create new habits and new neural pathways in my brain so that when I'm stressed, I get moving instead of eating.  But that can't be the only WHY. 

My plan for this week is to explore that and the motivation/inspiration side of things.  Because I think if I can figure myself out that way, I'll be well on my way to health and healing.