So it's Friday. Night. I've done 4 workouts this week (skipped last night) and I'm starting to feel better. I'm getting my eating under control and haven't had a Pepsi in a WEEK.
Tonight's workout was a video I bought when VOD was Bitty's age. I LOVE that workout. I always forget how great I feel afterward, all sweaty and gross and empowered. Love the endorphins! It was never a super popular workout video like Jillian's or Tae Bo, but I tell ya ... every time I do it, I feel it.
After I got done, I sat down and started thinking to myself ... I've been fighting my weight for my whole life, but I got serious about it when VOD was small and I lost 40-ish pounds. I gained them back. Lost most of them again right before I met The Rock. I gained them back and they brought friends. And here I am, slightly smaller than my heaviest un-pregnant weight ... and disgusted with myself.
Working out is FUN! I like it. It's a boost to my confidence, my strength, my mood, my ability to cope. I like myself more when I'm working out regularly and eating healthier. Why on earth do I keep forgetting and going back to eating junk and not working out? WHY???
I think I need to figure that out before I "forget" again, because apparently that's what's keeping me fat and unhealthy. I know I'm a stress eater, an emotional eater. And I need to create new habits and new neural pathways in my brain so that when I'm stressed, I get moving instead of eating. But that can't be the only WHY.
My plan for this week is to explore that and the motivation/inspiration side of things. Because I think if I can figure myself out that way, I'll be well on my way to health and healing.