We moved late last fall, and there were dead branches sticking out of the ground in the back and side yards. They were hideous. I told my husband that i wanted them torn out, and he agreed.
We didn't touch them as we had other things going on.
Spring came, and they turned out to be lilac bushes. Beautiful lilacs! some of the wood is dead and needs to be trimmed, but honestly ... I hesitate to do so. There are beautiful birds who have their homes in those same bushes, and I love watching them and hearing their songs. We'd be missing the songs and the sights of the baby birds jumping around from bush to bush if we'd gone with my first impulse, to tear the dead branches out by the roots.
I've been pondering how sometimes, I don't like how my body looks. I don't like how my relationships look from the outside. I don't like how hard things are at times. And I don't like how stressed out I get.
So I'm trying to find the beauty in those things. My body may not be anyone's ideal body, but it has carried 4 babies, birthed them, and continued feeding them. My husband likes me and likes my body, so that's always a bonus. Our relationship isn't perfect, but the sweet things he does are like those sweet little songs: Like when he tucks me into bed when I'm overwhelmed and tired. Or when he gave me a hug today and said, "Your hips are getting smaller!" and they are. And it's hard to be the mom to all these kids, and there are times we don't get along and my 5yo says, "I'm not your favorite anymore!" Or my teen says, "You hate me!" But then there are those other times, like when I get hurt and my 5yo cuddles me and kisses my owie better. Or I'm crying and my teen knows just what to do to help -- and does it. Or the baby's grin every single time he sees me. He has a special smile, just for me. The 3yo gets so excited when I come in the house, even if I've just been outside for less than 2 minutes, turning the sprinklers on. "MOM! You back!!!!!" Those things are just so beautiful, so amazing.
So in the midst of all the stress and the difficult things and the bad days, I'm striving to remember those lilac bushes and the little birds, so that I can appreciate the beautiful people, the wonderful little things, and the amazing blessings I receive every day.