Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I'm in trouble

When I moved back to Utah in 2003, I was exercising every day and got under 200 pounds for the first time since 1996.  I did a lot of Tae Bo and walking and was eating healthier.  I had a wretched bout with depression and gained it all back and then some, and then in 2006 got down to 215 ... which is where I was when we got married.

As of now, heart surgery, a wedding, two babies, multiple hormone shifts, and continued struggles with depression later, I'm at my heaviest ... around 256, 60 pounds heavier than I was at my lowest weight in 2003, and over 100 pounds more than I weighed my senior year in high school.

I got a call from Carlos the trainer tonight. I haven't worked out since the last time he and I worked out. I'd called him a few times after we canceled on each other several times in a row, but gave up a week ago.  I decided I'd wait until I was over whatever virus the kids shared with me and then try Tae Bo again.  Then Carlos called to schedule double appointments over the next two weeks.

I feel slightly guilty.  We have to use up all of the rest of my sessions by February 1 (corporate expiration dates suck), and I've been a lazy slug and have probably GAINED weight since we met last.  I don't own scales though, so I'm not entirely sure. 

So I put Little Mister in bed and told him to stay put and go to sleep, and I popped in a 30-minute Tae Bo video. 

It kicked my butt.

I did the whole thing, though some of it at half speed and some just walking while they were doing other things.  I'm so angry with myself right now.  I could do two of those in a row without a problem before and now I can't even get through one!  My belly fat got in the way and my legs just don't move as fast as they used to; they're too heavy to move quickly.

I realize the hormones, depression, and life changes have played a huge role in me not taking care of myself previously, but I have no excuse anymore.  I am a stay-at-home mom, not working for pay anymore, and even though I am busy with kids, husband, and housework, that doesn't excuse me and shouldn't prevent me from being good to me, too.

I do feel better now that I did the video, and Little Mister did go to sleep after chattering at me through the first 10 minutes.  I hope I'm able to do it or a different one tomorrow and establish a pattern of a new habit for myself.  Yes, I will do my workouts with Carlos until they're gone.  After that, I will be working out at home after Little Mister has gone to bed.  I have plenty of videos to get me going more regularly without getting bored; I just need to get over myself and do it. 

4 comments:

evitafjord said...

A) You can do it!!
B) Which videos do you have that you like? I'm working on 30-day Shred with Jillian and I like it so far, but I can foresee a future where I want to kick her in the head. But, a friend lost 90 pounds in the last, hmm, I'm not sure, but I want to say it's been about 2 months since it was dramatic enough everyone noticed and his wife said that was at 75 pounds gone in 4-6 months (he's still wearing mostly his old clothes, so it took a while to notice, especially since I mostly see him at church, in suits). 30day shred was his first workout (he also switched to eating whole foods and now running and biking). I also have Windsor Pilates (don't like it much at all), P90x (like okay, but not ready for it yet), and Pilates/Yoga for Dummies (I like pilates and yoga, but not when I'm this heavy). The best weightloss I ever had was the elliptical at the gym combined with some guy's weight plan (a book David has), but that's not feasible at least until Sam starts school - no childcare at the gym.
C) oh yeah, the reason I like 30day shred is that it's only 20 minutes. so, that's AWESOME.
D) now if I could just quit sugar....

evitafjord said...

*

Velda said...

I so loved Tae-Bo back in the day! Need to get a video and get into that again...

SanDee said...

I could have written that post exactly...down to the numbers...I wish I could figure out why I don't think I'm just as important as everyone else in my family...I haven't been able to do it either time I've been married, and I don't know if its just having little kids, or what...at my dr. appt last week, my Dr. told me I needed to find a way to make exercise one of my top priorities...that she'd even write it on a prescription if I needed to...In the last week, I've been eating better...but have yet to actually exercise...All I need is to make time for 30 minutes...

p.s. my word verification for this comment is 'loseme'...my answer is yep...I've lost me...